Not for the first time in life, but this was different..
His next birthday is approaching..in less than a week's time he will reach 23...
He was a bit sad..because it dawned on him that he 'might' have wasted his life...ever since he can reason...on each of his birthday he always make a pact, or promise, with himself, that
"this year, is the year that I will finally be good, that I will become the kind of person that I have always wanted to be"
He looked back, & he saw 10 broken promises..and dreams shattered..
On each birthday..he realized that along the past year...he have failed to realize his dreams.. again...
He thinks that he has been a failure..that his existence in this world is not justified..because in his eyes...he sees that everyone in this world is important...has a role to play...everyone but him..
As a son, he has failed to fulfill his parents' wishes & in repaying their kindness...as the eldest brother..he has failed to become a loving & model brother..
As a friend, he has failed to be a good friend...to be caring & considerate to others...
As a human being, he hasn't contributed anything worthwhile to the human society..
& what is worse, he thinks that he has sinned too much in God's eyes...to be given His forgiveness & His blessings...
For you see, the man harbours deep secrets...unseen crimes...to his friends he might appear kind & good...but he is not good...his friends might be shocked if they really know him..
He feels dirty & ashamed with himself because he has fooled other people with his acting "nice & good"..
He likes & identifies himself with the song Reflection by Christina Aguilera... "Why is my reflection someone I don't know...When will my reflection show who I am inside..."
Every day of his life has been a constant struggle..he always want to be good..but everytime he will be lead astray by his lust & bad habits..
But this time..on his 11th promise..he intend to fulfill it...to make good of the promise..
He wanted to become a better person & a kind person, this time for real, no more false pretences ...
& this time, he hoped that God will smile for him, help him in loosening the Devil's hold on his poor self..& forgive him for his mountainous past transgressions...his past mistakes...
Maybe he is feeling that this year the winds of change are upon him..
& to the God above he recite this solemn prayer, with the pond as his witness:
O Allah,
Please help me:
in finding the right path..leading away from this darkness in my heart
in being a good servant to you, a good son, a good brother, a good friend, a good human
in loving myself & being grateful for what you have given me
in realizing my true potential..in improving on my strengths & minimizing my weaknesses
He gets up & walked home, smiling...for he believed & truly hoped that..there won't be anymore broken promises...& the eleventh time is the charm...
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